possible schizophrenic attack: what the hell to do with all those voices in your head

forenote one: in English, to hit a bigger number of readers throughout the world (dreamfully).
forenote two: I am very, very suspicious of certain aspects of Western medicine and don't quite believe in shrinkage - meaning, psychology and psychiatry as I know them depend too much on irreversible pathologies, syndroms, neurosis, psychosis (and loads of happiness pills to fix them) to go on profitable business. nowadays everyone can have a disorder for their own. if you believe in those things, stop reading now and go to the doctor; he'll assist you on emptying your pockets the most convenient way. in case you're not quite sure, well, go on, a simple text can harm you no more than you've already harmed yourself, if you stumbled this humble article somehow and read this far.
forenote three: these are my personal conclusions on the matter based on my own experiences; not to be taken as medical truth.


recalling that recent post which said

"she heard a voice in her head saying -

ela ouve vozes"
(she hears voices")

- Stimme im Kopf
(- Voice in Head)

a short schizoid poem in three languages I spat out while healing myself. yesterday I randomly googled "Stimme im Kopf" to see what would the results be in German, if any of them were directly related to schizophrenic disorder (or spontaneous mediunity, as some may call it). surprinsingly not - on the first page, at least. then i tried in English and the response was more optimistic. I came across a message from a confused girl in a health forum, left two years ago, that read:

A couple of weeks ago I heard a voice in my head. I was under the influence of marijuana at the time, but I can't just brush it off because of that. It was a man with an american accent, and it sounded like it was coming from the air above me (like radio quality sounding) but there was noone in the room and the tv was off so obviously it was in my head. It said things like "she's horrible, yeah noone likes her, shes disguisting, look at her yeah her, she's real yuck ay" and it went on for about 15 minutes. The whole time I was at the computer and tried to distract myself with the tv after a while and it went away. I have never been so terrified. The other thing I have been noticing lately that is scaring me is I dont know when to finish my sentences when I speak and I mumble off. Two people have commented on this to me. Does anyone have any comments about this at all? I need some opinions here. Thanks!

this request is perfectly suitable not only for me to try and explain her what might be happening (though two years late, almost nothing), but to verbalize it concisely to myself, who suffered the same and I even daresay more intensely, whilst using my own problem and solution to help other people who feel similar and are as confused as I was for quite a while. it follows:

first of all, everyone has voices in their heads. most of them are unnoticeable and harmless, which can be controlled over and represent a kind of necessary self-questioning; but can be quite dangerous if misdealt on major transformation periods, such as end of teenage years, sudden death of a dear one, traumatizing divorce, living by your own, etc.
the two symptoms our friend there so kindly exposed, disorganized thought and, consequently, speech, are usually associated with a pre-schizophrenic onset. the most important thing at this moment is not panicking, there is nothing supernatural or unexplainable going on. it's all in your mind, always. I am not a doctor to diagnose any kind of psychosis, but there is nothing to worry about if you take control over it. DO NOT let anything lead you but your will and conscious self. stifle away negative thoughts (they only feed the next negative thought), don't believe what you're hearing, although sometimes it might seem the voices are attached to you inevitably, more like a thought you have no control on. if you experience comments on your head, start singing and say out loud and clear, with determination: LALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOOOOU, I WON'T TALK TO YOU! if it comes again, then: I ALREADY SAID I WON'T LISTEN ANYMOOORE, LALALAAAAA! and how many times it proves necessary for you to get rid of them. this might sound like actual craziness at first but it REALLY works. pursue your goals in life, try remembering what you enjoyed doing as a little child and why you quit it. when did serenity evade me? try and be honest and sincere to yourself - finding out what is bothering you in your general life is the very first key to understanding why you hear such things.
unfortunately, most people realise they've been hearing "voices" (more accurately misguided thoughts) only when they divide themselves in a third person. indeed, it starts off with a seemingly innocent but obsessive I, I, I: "what was I thinking?, I am not capable, I am much more or I am much less than something or someone, I need something or someone to feel like a complete being, to feel happy, I am a low and vile person", etc.; a powerful destructive determinism. also, VERY IMPORTANT: the sickness doesn't lie exactly on negativity, but on ILLUSIONS. it might come shaped as "I am fantastic, everyone likes me, what a marvelous genius I've got, no one is up to me, the others are sooo down below!". the tormented self-elevation is securely followed by negative examples of the prime sort. it's like one illusion fighting the other. these addicted thought threads spin around a momentaneous reward mechanism - certain images bring instant pleasure or known feelings, thus comfort, so your mind gets used to them and starts applying that same logic whenever a problem or a difficult, unexpected, situation arises. it is easier to deal with known things. at this point, if you keep unawares that these sick mind patterns lead to threatening enclosurement, soon the fast reward process will cease its benefits and leave you in a kind of eternal hangover, without knowing why. it is exactly the same basis as any kind of addiction - the quantity of released endorphyn decreases with constant higher doses of the substance, which might be internal, brain-based illusions, or external. a very common behaviour for ill minds is to express themselves in ill habits like alcohol and drug addiction, overeating, compulsive shopping and even compulsive masturbation.
when your subconscious tries to do something about it, perceiving the difference between healthy and unhealthy thoughts, divides itself in personas with distinct procedual lines: most commonly a Good and a Evil side, but quite different from the multiple personality disorder. the mind starts losing its delicate balance to preconceived ideas that trigger themselves constantly hoping for a pleasurable reward - that gets diminished each time. at this stage the most common is the you, you, you: "what are you doing?, you are ridiculous at times, you have to go on, you have to stop, you are happy only because of self-deceit, you are losing it". I consider a self-warning process, an artificial way to make yourself heard. in other words, if you pay close attention it actually says - "look, these kind of thoughts aren't doing any good here, you are splitting yourself into distinguished parts, seeing things from the outside like in self dialogue, but could go back to normal if you find a mean". in my case particularly, it evolved to "we" - "let's go to sleep, we are tired from all the thinking", but it can easily become "his" or "her", thus giving the impression of someone narrating you life and stating conclusions about it. my first language is Portuguese, but that didn't stop an English thought-mode in my head, usualy when I was upset without much noticeable cause, or in blown proportions; so it's pretty normal our friend there from the top hearing a different accent or even another gender on her head. I bet the source for that, on her case, is lots of American television.
now i'll open up my journal on 1st January 2009 for you guys to see a real example of a mental dialogue with FIVE voices, the second being my own personality fighting the others. I wrote it down consciously as voices and numbered them back then, but didn't know it was actually an issue to be worked on and found it amusing, under the title of "mental dialectics in five voices". it started with a common out-of-proportion dream of work recognition:

voice I - who knows, it might become something big, I might get international fame, people will get inspiration from me and...
voice II - WAIT A SECOND, this is delirium, if you spend the rest of your life imagining these situations they'll NEVER become reality.
voice III - but I am a Capricorn, the mountain goat, I am capable of climbing that high
voice IV- if you are going to trust the sign fatalism...! wake up, the stars don't guarantee anything, the key to it all is keeping a humble attitude
voice V - (you are not capable)
voice I - buuut, on the other side, thinking not capable is just a mask, like reverse psychology, using negativity to stimulate positivity, quite normal and effective...
voice V - (are you capable then?)
voice II - not that I am not capable, I mean, keeping a negative pattern attracts more negative things, isn't it true...?
voice III - besides, I am a Dragon, they are lucky, I'm going to do well
voice V - so there is no fallen Dragon out there whatsoever? c'mon, maybe your life gets real shitty. nothing prevents that.
voice IV - THE BEST THING IS TO KEEP HUMBLENESS

that was enjoyable at the moment, though freaky to recall, but on my worst days I couldn't accomplish a SINGLE COMPLETE IDEA. it spun out of control when i smoked marijuana: I'd find myself on another room, holding something on my hand and not knowing how the hell I got there. I mean - it was not a blackout, I KNEW I had the idea that guided me there, but I realized it was a broken inserted thought with no visible coherent objective that made me stop my doings and act aimlessly: "why don't we try that coat on your wardrobe?, i bet it would look nice... go, c'mon, what's the big deal? why are you doing that?, stop reading, why don't we go to the kitchen and get..." and another zillion bizarre examples. I'd leave the whole house lit up because I went from a room to the other, from the kitchen to the bathroom (walking through living room and bedroom) and back again and again and again and again - until one day I got the frightening feeling I wasn't alone, but being controlled by external forces that toyed with me, taking over my mind and living through my body. now - THAT is a definite schizophrenic symptom, that was result from some previous neuroses such as:

I. thought-stealing: I was certain people could unconsciously know what went through my mind, or that I broadcasted it into everyone. one freaky example was when I looked at something at my friend's house and thought - is that blablabla? and right after - no, it can't be because blablabla. no longer than five seconds later, a friend of mine asked - is that blablabla?, and the other answered, - no, i can't be because blablabla. I won't act skeptically now and say "oh, just a great coincidence, that was!" because I do not believe in coincidences; but the explanation doesn't have to be scary or evil, like I used to think, and can be a good thing if wisely put. it got out of proportion when I started to take every act of people surrounding me like an individual message. for instance: in class, I thought the teacher was referring to me on his phrases, that he'd realized what went on inside me and found an indirect manner of speech to warn me; I thought my friends were aware of my sick mind and made jokes about it, which made me even worse. I feared every friend I cared for would leave me alone as soon as they saw through my worries. walking out on the street was uncomfortable because I thought people would recognize my face and sort of spy on me. the thing is - when you are experiencing problems, you project them into close relations, and in severe cases, total strangers on the street. it gets to the horrible point of not knowing what is real and what is not. but of course they can't be aware of it! it is complete nonsense and paranoid bullshit, and if you relate to these, stop reading and start shouting to these voices RIGHT AWAY.

II. mind-reading: much like the previous, but backwards. I was pretty sure my ideas weren't my own and I was infected with other people's point of view; that I knew what went on in other's minds and could read them like a book - again, even total strangers. I had the feeling everyone was looking at me, and made comments after I was gone. this was endorsed by occasional disgusting flirting, but after I got better I realized - men do not hide anything, it is quite clear when they make sexual suggestions to you as you walk by, noises being the most common, from grumping and whistles to a more polite and sung "good evening". thinking again on the matter, if I believe in some kind of thought transmission, like a mind-channel, these two ideas are based in something - but it doesn't work like that, and if it becomes oppresive and confusing, it means you are channeling your energies to the wrong things; trying to answer the wrong questions.
the torment is caused, again, by projection - they are not other person's thoughts, but your own mind splitting up and not aware of it, so you jump to the conclusion that is something else besides yourself - everyone you come across, desincarnated souls, unknown entities, aliens from outer space. it depends on your personal repertoire.

ok, let me breathe a little, it was an extenuating review of all my temporary sickness. I was sure to be diagnosed "schizophrenic" had I visited a shrink at the time and soon be on medication, which would cause more despair. you see, the medical statement MENTAL ILLNESS, SCHIZOPHRENIC makes you believe even more you are a sick helpless person. but actually, the diagnose is only valid after six months of continuous psychosis that I just described above. I consider myself quite lucky, for something came to save me: my grandfather's death. I know it sounds illogical, but on his funeral I looked myself in the mirror and saw his sparkle living bright on my eyes. he always took care of everyone, now we are supposed to take care of ourselves. I stopped smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol and biting my nails (the cigarette I'd left a couple of months ago) - it just didn't make sense anymore and misguided me from my real self. I have to be strong as he was! my sanity depends on myself only, no one can help me if I can't. and that is the most valuable lesson of all -

it's ALL in the mind. you whether have the power to use things that happen to you in a constructive or destructive manner. that is the concept of free will; the choice is yours. remember always - all the answers are in mind strength, YOU and you only have the whole power to shut the invisible mouths, and restablish control over yourself. desperation is not only useless but intoxicating, and martyrdom (oh, how I suffer!) won't take you anywhere. you are a powerful being which has all the tools in hand - just learn how to use them to your advantage (if you thought manipulation, well, you didn't get a thing I just wrote and better see a shrink, yeah).

I hope this helps someone out there, someday.